Yesterday I received the news that I did not answer a question correctly on the exam for my job of over 7 years and consequently will not be able to remain in my job. Am I bitter? Yes, maybe more resigned. Is it a ridiculous hiring practice? Yes, but it won’t be changing anytime soon.
As a single person turning 40 this year it is hard for several reasons. I have no one with whom I can rely on for the bills for awhile. Going back to school is a huge scary idea at my age. I don’t have savings or backup plans. Yes, people always say you need them, but I always felt it was more important to give it to the people who needed it at that moment more than me. I worry about my Mom because I know she will worry about me. Plus, I have to play nice at work and do the job I am “not capable of” until I leave.
This post was titled blessings though, because through finding out what I am going to lose, I gained a lot more. I immediately came home yesterday and started selling my fabrics. The good ones, the big pieces, the kind that people want to buy (me included lol). My friends (who only learnt of it then) immediately rallied around and kept reposting to attract more people to the sale. I have 74 comments telling me that people care. These are people, who for the most part, I have never met in real life. Just having these people there for me, quilters helping quilters, meant a huge amount. I was blessed by one person in particular (M., you know who you are) and through that one gesture I felt surrounded by love and confidence in me. It was truly the most meaningful gift that it could have been, I keep struggling to put into words how it affected me, but I believe you do know M.
I don’t know what is going to happen. My job has been so specialized that I really have no substantive skills outside of it. I can’t think of it right now though… I told myself on the weekend I can start trying to figure things out. In the meantime I am lucky to have a million packages of fabric to send to their lovely new owners.